The king who once ruled a great and powerful country had four wives. The king loved his fourth wife the most. He did not double what his wife said, he would give the best and the best of everything to her.
The king also loved his third wife very much. He was very jealous of this beautiful wife because he was afraid that one day she would leave him.
The king also loved his second wife. His wife, who was good and patient with him, would always be there for the king when he had a problem and would help him solve his problem.
The queen was the king’s first wife. Although this was his wife who loved him very much, loved him without expecting anything in return, and made the greatest contribution to his health and sovereignty, the king did not love his first wife and did not take care of her.
One day the king fell ill with a fatal disease. Realizing that he would die soon and fearful of being alone after death, he wanted to know which of his wives might want to share the death with him.
When the king asked his fourth wife, whom he loved most, if he would like to accompany him on his death journey, the answer he received was like a knife in his heart. This clear answer, said in a low voice, is “not possible”
“I have loved you all my life. Will you agree to die with me?” To his question, his third wife replied, “No, it’s good to be alive. When you die, I will remarry.” The king was once again destroyed.
“You were the one who always stood by me and helped me in every problem. Can you help me with this problem too?” Against his request, he received a reply from his second wife, “I can’t do anything about this problem, I will at most accompany you to your grave, have a nice funeral and mourn”
The king, who was in great disappointment, was startled by the voice of his first wife. “Wherever you go, I will be with you, I will follow you.” says his first wife.
The king was very happy with this answer and said to himself: “I wish I had one more chance”.
We are all four-partners in life. Our fourth partner is our body. No matter how much time, resources, and effort we put into making it look beautiful, it will leave us when we die.
Our third wife is our wealth and status… As soon as we die, she will be with someone else.
Our second spouse is our family and friends. The last thing these people with whom we share all our problems can do is to send us off from this world with tears in their eyes.
The first wife is our soul. Even if we leave this world one day, our soul will always make our name shine like a star in our hearts.” (Anonymous)
“O Son!
You are master!
After that, anger is upon us; meekness to you…
Resent us; love you..
blame us; bear with you..
Impotence to us, error to us; welcome you..
Discords, conflicts, incompatibilities, disagreements to us; justice to you..
Evil eye, heavy mouth, unfair comment to us; forgive you…
After that divide us; to make you whole..
Loyalty to us; to warn, to encourage, to shape you..
O Son!
Your load is heavy, your job is tough, your strength depends on the hair, may Allah help you.
May his lord be blessed.
May it be beneficial to the path of righteousness. Let your light shine.
Send it far.
May he give you the strength to carry your burden, the mind and heart that will not stumble.
You and your friends must clear the way for what is promised to us with the sword, and dervishes like us with thoughts, ideas and prayers.
We need to clear the blockage.
Son!
You are strong, strong, smart and wise. But if you don’t know where and how to use them, you will be blown away in the morning winds.
Your anger and your soul become one and defeat your mind. For this, you always have patience, perseverance and willpower!..
Patience is very important. A gentleman should know how to be patient. It does not bloom before its time. Raw pears are inedible; Even if it is eaten, it remains in your bosom.
Uninformed sword is like raw pears.
Let your nation live in your own wisdom. Don’t turn your back on him. Always feel your presence. In governing the society, keeping this alive is wisdom.
There are people, dawn is born, they die in the evening prayer.
The world is not as big as your eyes see it.
All unconquered secrets, unknowns, will come to light only with your virtue and justice.
Count your mother and father!
Know that abundance is with the great.
If you lose your faith in this world, when you are green you become barren, you turn into deserts.
Be frank! Don’t take every word! You see, don’t say; don’t say you know!
Frequent commuting to your favorite place; your love and reputation will be damaged…
To these three people; In other words, pity the scholar among the ignorant, those who become poor when they are rich, and those who lose their dignity while being remembered!
Remember that those who occupy high places are not as safe as those below.
Don’t be afraid of the fight you are right! You should know that they call the best of the horse towards the right, and the best of the valiant crazy (fearless, reckless, heroic, daring).
The greatest victory is to recognize the self.
The enemy is man himself.
The fellow has itself recognized the soul.
The land is not the common property of the ruler, which he shares with his sons and brothers.
Countries that belong only to the administration.
When he dies, whoever comes after him, receives the dominion of the country.
Our ancestors, who were once mistaken, divided their state among their sons and brothers in their health. That’s why they couldn’t survive. (This advice made the Ottomans live for 600 years.)
Once a person sits down, he does not get up easily.
When the person does not move, he becomes numb. When he gets numb, he starts talking.
Word turns into gossip. Rumors began to prosper not informal.
Friend becomes foe; The enemy, the beast is cut!..
People’s power is exhausted one day, but live information.
The light of knowledge penetrates even through closed eyes, enlightening them.
The animal dies, its saddle remains; man dies, his work remains. He should cry not after the one who leaves, but after the one who doesn’t leave…
He must continue where he left off.
I don’t like war.
I don’t like to bleed.
Still, I know that the sword must rise and fall.
But this must be for getting up and landing.
Especially, it is a murder for a person to drop a sword on another person.
The gentleman is not beyond the country.
A war, not just be for a king.
We have no right to stop, to rest.
Because there is no time, time is short!..
Loneliness is frightening.
Farmers know the soil when planting, do not ask someone else.
Even if he is alone!
As long as he knows that the soil is tempered.
Love should be the basis of the cause. To love is in silence.
You don’t like shouting. It is not loved by being seen either!..
Who does not know his past, can not know his future.
Osman! Know your past well so that you can step firmly into the future.
Don’t forget where you came from so you don’t forget where you’re going…”
Sheikh Edebali, 13th Century, Söğüt-Bilecik-Turkey
Motivation is vital to be happy and successful. The tips below will help you motivate and sustain yourself. These are practical and result-oriented recommendations. If you don’t apply, they will not go far beyond being general culture.
1. WRITE YOUR STORY
Write the story of the future you desire on a clean piece of paper with a few paragraphs. Write down what you are doing in the future, where you live and what you own. This will motivate you both now and in the future.
2. VISUALIZE THE FUTURE
Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing what you would like to see yourself doing in the future. You are running healthy, you are dealing with or working on the flowers in your garden. For example, if your dream is to open a small business, imagine yourself on the day of opening, greeting your customers and employees. Thus, you can embody your dreams.
3. VISUALIZE THE PAST
When you visualize the past, you see where you have been before and how far you’ve come. You understand how much you have achieved your planned goals and where you have made mistakes. This will keep you on the right track. Think of a driver, if he just looks forward and doesn’t take advantage of the rearview mirror, what would happen? Looking back from time to time is as useful as looking at the driver’s rearview mirror.
4. THINK BIG
Don’t be afraid of thinking big about your future. This will make it easier to endure your short-term failures. Obstacles will not be able to stop you. Because your eyes will be locked on the ultimate goal. Imagine that you will meet your loved one after a long time, would you be disturbed by the pouring rain while you are headed to the train station to pick him/her up?
5. TRAIN YOURSELF
Learn, read, speak, listen and try everything related to your goal or dream. If you want to be a writer, take lessons, read books, write, talk to other writers, participate in workshops.
6. BE TIDY
A clean, tidy and well-organized home, office and life are indispensable for a motivated mind. Physical clutter causes mental clutter. Have an orderly life, so you will feel more energized every day. For example, have a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up. Be sure to have breakfast and walk at least half an hour in the morning.
7. ALLOW MOTIVATORS AT YOUR HOME AND OFFICE
Include symbols, signs, notes or objects that will remind you of your goals and dreams in your home, office, car, wallet. These reminders will guarantee your motivation. Do you want to own the top model car? Then hang the pictures of your dream car on the wall of your room, keep it in your wallet and look at it whenever you need and remember your destination.
8. PARTICIPATE IN VOLUNTARY WORK
Help other people voluntarily. When you do this, you will realize how satisfying it is to make other people happy. At weekends, it may be a good idea to go to the Child Protection Agency with your spouse.
9. MOTIVATE OTHERS WITH YOUR OWN MOTIVATION
The best learning method is to teach. Help your children to be motivated, your friends to set more effective goals, and your spouse’s to reach his/her personal dreams. When you help them, you will actually be helping yourself.
10. SPEND TIME WITH CHILDREN
Spending time with kids will give you perspective. Problems or worries at work or in your private life will melt away when you play with your children. Children look at everything simply and even learning this is beneficial for us.
Your reputation is determined by the environment you live in.
character, the truth you believe in…
Reputation is what you think it is;
the character you are…
Reputation is photography;
character is face…
Reputation comes from outside;
The character is sincere…
Reputation is what you get when you join a new community; the character is in his hand as he goes…
Your reputation comes in an instant;
your character, throughout your life…
Your reputation is learned in an hour;
your character doesn’t come out in a year…
Reputation grows like a mushroom;
character lasts forever…
Reputation makes rich or poor;
character is happy or unhappy…
Reputation is what people engrave on a tombstone; what the character angels say about you in the presence of God… William Hersey Davis
How aware are we of our abilities? There are many concepts such as talent, competence, skill, what is written, what we read, what is said to us. So how well do we know ourselves? How much do we care about our career story? Is our career shaped by our conscious choices in the details of a career journey that we have planned, with just a CV or where the wind takes us and swept it away?
This article is about a topic that I have seen in career development coaching sessions that I have held for a long time and that I find very important. “Many people – I am not exaggerating this – do not see an important part of the experience they have gained in their career journey, because they do not know how to look” It is not because people exaggerate their experiences; On the contrary, I say that because they do not realize some of their skills and abilities, they do not see themselves as sufficient or strong. The indecision about where, in which direction, how, to go creates an individual who cannot be satisfied with his career.
Each of the choices we make in our daily or career lives, the decisions we make, our fears, and our successes is a space, an opportunity, where we can showcase our talents. When you look deeply into these areas, there may be moments of happiness, moments of satisfaction, and moments of displaying your talents. Looking at your career from this point of view, looking deeply at the tasks you have overcome, not superficially, allows you to see the talents you have. In order to do these things, it is very important for a person to know himself, to know his limits, not to limit himself, but to what he can achieve. Even a simple task, job, project that you have to overcome contains many skills and competencies in itself. A wrong decision made includes a lot of new information and enlightenment learned in a wrong made. No one wants to remember the mistakes they have made, because making mistakes is negative and bad in our culture, but despite this, we can access many new knowledge and skills that we have learned through experience, just by examining the mistakes we have made in depth. We will see the values and skills we have when we remember an “achievement” that we forgot or felt small in our career.
By forgetting how the time passes, a work, a job, a project, a talent we have, a behavior we are strong in with our inner motivation – can and does bring out; At that moment, we cannot even imagine that this will happen.
When we do not think about what our talents can achieve, when we do not think about it; If we cannot see how our career has developed and what skills we have come to today, how will it be possible to predict what our short-term or long-term goal will be, and to go there?
Unfortunately, many people still look at career development as getting an education. There are many people who believe that their careers do not develop and stall because they do not go to training in their companies. When they hear about “Career Journey”, there are those who believe that human resources or their own managers sit in the driver’s seat of the “career tool” and wait for them to sit. “My manager and human resources did not promote me” is such a familiar phrase. This has certainly not been so for a long time now. Everyone is holding the career wheel and directing their own career in their own “driving seat of the career vehicle”.
Where are you? What’s going on in your relationship with your career?
Even now, while I am writing every word of this article, as I read, you are going somewhere different from where you are. This is the level of consciousness that will go to the non-working professionals who work sooner or later: “We shape our own careers” Is it to talk behind someone’s back when a person in the next department is promoted, or to challenge a change of job, more responsibility, risk taking, stepping out of the comfort zone? A choice in both directions, one that must be made consciously, not accidental.
What is the starting point? The question may be meaningful. My answer will be to know yourself, to realize your values, strengths, talents and achievements. Everyone has all the resources they need to succeed. Your resources such as success, skill, talent may be hidden in your career story – your personal history. Now the name of the treasure hunter comes to my mind while writing these; The name talent acvisi also fits well here. Your skills and talents that have been forgotten in the depths of your career may be waiting to be rediscovered. In my career development studies, many of my clients acted as if they had learned something new when they realized the talents they had about themselves. A counselor expressed that I have a feeling of “like the joy you experience when you find something that you think you have lost and that you value very much.” Yes, it is a powerful feeling to know oneself and to feel that one’s career is in the driver’s seat. Making everything that hinders your development visible, planning and realizing the actions that will overcome them one by one requires a high level of commitment. To do and follow this without interruption, an outside eye, a consultant, mentor, coach will focus you on the goal you will reach, and will enable you to arrive faster.
Yours sincerely
A person complains an average of 15-30 times a day. Before naming a person as a complainer, it would be correct to understand the psychology of complaining. Complaining creates a psychologically relaxing ‘feel good’ effect for the complainant. One of the basic needs for people is the desire to connect with others. People use complaining to actually build intimacy. For example, in the elevator, we look for a way to communicate with people we do not know, and for this, many of us talk about how hot or cold the weather is, that is, we complain. We talk about the flight being late at the airport to communicate with the stranger next to us. Complaints also serve as a basis for us to create a bond with the person we want to communicate with – building solidarity.
Without exception, there are believers in every workplace who complain about something, right? People who cannot find the peace they seek at work, those who are under the influence of their negative inner voices and who play the role of “victim”. So these people look like this from the outside. These people tell you, one by one, which department made a mistake, which manager made wrong decisions, could not manage, how company leaders made wrong decisions and how they managed ineffectively, from their own perspectives. They make good use of coffee breaks, lunches, meetings, and one-on-one conversations, and fill the atmosphere of the company’s culture with toxic chemical clouds of emotion.
It nourishes and enlarges the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in terms of the feelings it carries and spreads. These feelings are contagious, just like yawning. I’m sure everyone has experienced this in their career. Even if we don’t, we are exposed. So how is it possible to look at the “complaint” point of view from the other side as an opportunity for “satisfaction”?
This area definitely comes up for me in my mentors that I coach. Some people are so caught up in complaining that they seem to be enslaved by negative emotions. In fact, they complain about themselves without realizing it, they see their own shortcomings and what they cannot do. Of course, we can also call it specialization.
No matter how negative and negative the “complaint” may be, it is actually a need for some people. It is also possible to approach him constructively from the positive side, because the complaint has great value, and when you see the potential of the complaint or make the other person see it, then the change begins. A husband actually makes one see this.
When I look at the issue from the coaching approach; Although realizing “what is missing” is actually a special talent, a negative behavior, everything changes depending on how you look at it. People may not know how to turn these abilities into a positive and positive side, and because they do not know how to express this, they may be labeled as “complaining”, “complainant”, at work or in their private lives.
Yes, the complainant is disliked, it is not expected and desired behavior, especially in the work environment, these people are not wanted because they emit toxic energy. It is possible to help both those who complain and those who are exposed to complaints with a coaching approach.
First of all, you can help these people by looking at them as “people who want things to be different, to be done differently”, not from the point of view of “complaining, unwanted person”. Companies that understand the value of the complaint are able to truly heal and develop themselves. This is why Complaints Management is an important concept. Complaint or you can call it feedback if you want, it is also perceived as a gift in some cultures because when you give feedback or “complain” to someone about something that you think is not right, you are actually giving them a very valuable opportunity – you are holding up a mirror – you are making them see themselves and help them change. You are giving your opportunity. Complaints are that valuable, yes – from where you look is also very important.
When the complainant is approached from this point of view, you can clear the complaint from ‘negativity and negativity’ and focus the person’s energy on ‘expressing wishes’. This will also enable the person to focus on the solution on the issue that he or she sees incomplete and wants to change.
When you’re a good listener, it’s not hard to see the formula that will bring out the desires between the lines of the judgment, evaluation, reproach, or opinion that is the subject of a complaint. It is very practical to be able to do this in daily life. “What is your wish?” The question has a very effective and calming power. If you remember, what effect does it have on the other side when the genie in Aladdin’s Magic Lamp says this
The energy and power of turning the complaint into a request pushes the complainant to think about it and take responsibility for the problem in order to find a solution instead of just voicing it.
The main purpose is not to offer a solution to the person’s complaint, but to enable him to take responsibility and guide the solution. Because as you suggest a solution, you may also be complaining about your solutions, such as ‘we haven’t tried it before’, ‘no way’, because instead of giving the complainant other areas to complain about, it is the wisest thing to ask questions directly. Other strong questions might include:
What exactly do you want from me?
How can you produce a solution?
What can you do in this situation?
Where can you start to step up?
Who can help you with this?
How can I help you?
So what kind of request is it to ask the person to “stop complaining”? It will not be enough to ask a person who is unaware of the effect that the complaint has made on himself, his colleagues and the company, to stop the action he has made, and it may have the opposite effect, that is, he may replace the undesirable behavior with another undesirable behavior. Instead, it would be best to be more specific and ask him to “turn the complaint into a request”.
Be the one to complain or when you are asked to turn your complaint into a request, remember that each request will have 4 different answers.
Yes: Make a request without waiting for this response
No: A clear answer at least. You should think again and generate new alternative requests.
Counter offer: This will lay the groundwork for a mutually common solution and you are on the right track.
I’ll research this topic and get back to it: Keep following.
In a society, when there is a culture in which individuals communicate their wishes to each other with viable counter-offers on complaints, the environment of ‘carelessness’ will be replaced by the ‘possible alternative solution’ environment.
How do you feel when someone comes to you with a list of complaints?
How do you approach it when it’s replaced with a wish list?
Preparations for the new term of the Mentoring Program, which was implemented by the ITU Alumni Association to support ITU students’ preparation for both learning and business life and determining their career roadmaps, have been completed. Before the new term, we talked to Sami Bugay, Founder and Managing Director of KA Consulting, who held workshops with mentors and mentees with the aim of increasing optimization, effectiveness and performance in the process, about the details of the program and mentoring
This year, you brought a new breath to the Mentoring Program. What did you do, can you talk about innovations?
ITU Mentoring Program started with a very good infrastructure. During the process, there were those who joined the program and those who left. A mentoring training was provided at the very beginning of the program, but this has not been renewed over the years. At this point, there was no standard infrastructure. Mentoring is that people who have experience in a field voluntarily transfer their experiences, knowledge and experiences to support the success of the other and guide them in the process. This year, we expanded it a little more in the ITU Alumni Association. When mentoring someone in an area, you also need an alignment about the direction they want to go. Why does the person want that space? What is it that draws him there? How can he achieve the change in behavior here? What does he need to transform in his perspective or perception in order to be successful in this field? When we start to deepen with these questions, coaching competencies also come into play. Within this program, we had the chance to deepen in these areas as well.
Of course there is no end to it. We gave mentoring trainings, we can’t say this is over. That’s why next year, in the continuation of this program, with the friends who have taken this training, to polish their knowledge a little more, to deepen their knowledge and for the newcomers to be compatible with this program.
It would be meaningful to open a training from scratch again to ensure that they are.
How did you cooperate with the ITU Alumni Association for the Mentoring Program?
I was the president of the International Coaching Federation in Turkey between 2016-2018. The International Coach Federation (ICF) is the largest organization for coaching in the world, with more than 33,000 members in more than 140 countries and setting the standards on coaching for 30 years. Erdem Türkkal from the ITU board of directors called me one day and said that we will start such a program, can you come and share your ideas as an ITU student. Then we talked to Veli Tan Kirtiş, President of ITU Alumni Association. We, as KA Education Consultancy, stated that we would support them. We worked on what to put in the program and how we could best convey it using time, and we started in April. I gave the entire program at ITU.
What is the goal of the program?
The goal of this program is to make the mentoring service provided within ITU a homogeneous standard structure, to ensure that everyone who mentors goes through this process, and to give people tools that they can use other than just supervising and transferring the subject. On the mentee side, why do they want to receive mentoring?
to think. To align this process with both the person who will give voluntarily and the person who will receive it in an expectation perspective and to enable people to give their own experiences and wisdom together with a methodology. I may be very authoritative in what I do, but if I don’t know how to pass this information on to you, how to align my resources with your expectations, then my benefit to you is minimal, no matter how much I want it. In this process, we aimed to increase optimization, efficiency and performance on behalf of both service providers and service recipients.
Where did the workshops take place? How many mentors have you trained so far?
We held it in the big meeting room of the ITU Alumni Association. Each program lasted three and a half hours. We worked with nearly 200 mentors. We have done 14 classes so far.
What do you do in the workshop?
We are working towards the application. Mentors can provide meaningful support to mentees in line with their goals. If we wonder what the other person values, what is important to them, what their worldview is, from which perspective they look at the world, and gather a little more information from these places, we can provide better support regarding the way they want to go. We clearly reveal the level of mutual knowledge and what the expectations will be. This is a very important thing.
Can anyone be a mentor? What is important in mentoring?
There is one of my favorite sayings: If you have an intention, there is a way. I think there is a time to give and take in mentoring. It’s a project on volunteering we’re doing here. We are talking about an area where you start to give back what you have accumulated in mentoring. Where you intend to give back what you have taken, where you begin to share your knowledge and wisdom. If you intend to do this, you can do it, but you need to learn how to do this job without breaking the will of the other person. I am not you. Your abilities, competencies, the system you are in, the environment, the people you come in contact with, your upbringing are the things that affect your existence today. You need mental stretching as a mentor. You can do this most easily from the moment you start to make your coaching competencies or support competencies that person-centered.
In other words, it is possible to reach a meaningful conclusion when you start to look at what is in the current dynamics of your mentee and how they can enter this sector.
What are the expectations or problems of the mentees?
One of the most important topics is that the incoming mentee does not have a meaningful and future-oriented framework in his mind about why he wants to receive mentorship. When I say where do I want to go, how can I get the maximum benefit at this time, what need should the mentoring program meet, in fact, the event will come to a very different stage. We mostly see an area of development here.
Are there important points in mentor and mentee matching?
Of course, it is valuable that someone from the department they are studying gives them perspective and that someone who has done this job for a long time is mentoring. However, the most important thing is that it is mentored on its own; because even though we all come out of different sources at the same time, we come out with a certain perspective. It is also very valuable to hear about the business world and the future from a different perspective.
Since 2005, you have collected all your knowledge in the book of Holistic Team Coaching. Can you talk a little bit about this book?
Holistic Team Coaching is a book written for professionals who coach for their colleagues, managers who lead teams, and those who exist in a team as a team member.
It is the first team book written by a Turk and published in Turkey, half of it is theory and half is practical. The English version will be available on Amazon soon.
ABOUT SAMİ BUGAY
Born in Istanbul to a worker family, Sami Bugay completed the International Management program at IU Faculty of Business after graduating from ITU Mathematical Engineering. Bugay, who started his first coaching training in 200A and then completed the programs of six different coaching schools, has more than 6,000 hours of coaching experience. As the Founder and Managing Director of KA Consulting, Bugay’s work areas include individuals, corporate leader development, new managers preparing for the top level in organizations, entrepreneurial managers, corporate and personal change. Bugay served as the President of the International Coach Federation Turkey in the 2016-2018 period. He wrote the book Holistic Team t Coaching.
